Let’s talk about semen.
As a reader or a writer, what do you prefer to call it? Some popular euphemisms include:
- Cum
- Seed
- Spunk
- Jizz
- Spooge
- Load
- Cream
- Jism
Along with some others that get more laughable as the list goes on. (Man glue? Ball snot?? Baby batter?!?) So, what’s your favourite word for it? Or do you just prefer good ol’ “semen”? If you’re a writer, do you do your best to avoid calling it anything?
For writers and readers, does the time period of the story matter? For example, does “seed” fit for a historical, but stick out like a sore cock thumb in a contemporary story?
Congrats on the updated blog! I don’t really have a preference – I think whatever works for the author and fits with the prose is fine. If you’re going to make reference to it more than a couple of times, I think it’s good to use a variety of terms in order to avoid repetition. I have had at least two people in fandom tell me that they would not read a story (or would stop reading a story) if it included the word “cum” because it squicks them, and they would prefer to see it spelled “come”. To me, the latter is a verb, not a noun, but the rules aren’t exactly hard (excuse the pun) and fast when it comes to slash.
Thanks, Heather! And thanks for weighing in.
I think it’s good to use a variety of terms in order to avoid repetition.
I agree, and that’s when I wish there were better euphemisms out there! Most of the time I try to avoid having to call it anything. Re: “cum” vs. “come” I admit that even though I know “come” is a verb, I vastly prefer it over “cum,” which is just icky to me for some reason. But I don’t use “come” as a noun in my books even though I would like to sometimes.
Ha, what a way to start a blog! I like good old-fashioned “cum” best, especially if I’m meant to take it seriously or sexily. Words like “spunk” and “spooge” sound so gross and silly to me, like the equivalent of “ball snot” really.
“Cream” is acceptable if the writing is a little flowery and euphemistic. Don’t read a lot of historical erotica but I can see how “seed” would stick out less there…
Yes, I figured I’d start with a bang!
Words like “spunk” and “spooge” sound so gross and silly to me, like the equivalent of “ball snot” really.
I totally agree. And I always think of the Aussie/Kiwi meaning of “spunk,” which is a hunk/attractive person.
For historicals, I think “seed” works well.
Thanks for commenting, Nicole!
I agree with Nicole, starting with her observation that this is a hilarious way to start a blog. Heh.
Hmm. If you’re going to use a euphemism, I prefer “cum” or “come” above all else. “Seed” isn’t too bad, but as you said, it sounds better in a historical. “Load” only works for me as part of its usual idiomatic phrase. For contemporary prose, either plain ol’ “semen” or “cum” are best; most of the others sound a bit squicky to me. I’d be interested to hear what male readers/writers prefer.
Dialogue is another story, of course, and any of them would work depending on the personality of the character; also, if you’re writing in first person, you should call it what the character would call it.
What better way to get people talking?
Thanks for weighing in, Rosie, and we’re largely in agreement. (Although I wish I liked “cum” more! Er, so to speak.)
I’d be interested to hear what male readers/writers prefer.
Ditto! And yes, I agree that dialogue is a bit of a different beast, and it depends on what word the character would use.
“Cum” looks porny (and not in the good way) to me. “Come” looks better. “Seed” sounds historical or otherwise too flowery to my ear, and “spooge” (and its variations) just sounds gross. The others also sound kind of locker-roomy, but I perhaps they could be used in a way that works.
To each her own, of course, but really, there have just got to be other words for it… If not, I’ve got to come (sorry) back to “come.”
I know with Loose Id, the house style is that “come” is a verb and “cum” is the noun. So I’ll say a character is coming/came/about to come/etc., but for the semen itself, it has to be “cum.” Which I dislike, so I try to avoid it!
I think “seed” works well in historicals. I wish it worked better in contemporary, but as you said, it can sound too flowery.
Thanks for commenting, fenwic!
Oh, blergh, re: Loose Id house style.
Logically, I understand it, since “come” really is a verb and it’s technically incorrect to use it as a noun. I’m sure it’s the house style for most publishers.
WELL HELLO THERE. *looks around* I like it here. V. nice, Ms. Andrews.
The hubs calls it baby batter when he wants to make me squirm. Otherwise, we both refer to it as “junk” or “stuff”.
Thank you, Ms. Temple! Always a pleasure to have you here.
The hubs calls it baby batter when he wants to make me squirm.
Ha! Of course he does.
“Cum” quite often ruins the moment for me if used in a romantic scene. It’s a bit “rough” for me – very to the point – so if I see it being used, I’d rather it be in a forceful scene where the couple are going at it hard and fast. Kind of like a dirty word for a dirty scene. “Came” is the only way I could read any variation of that word if used in a more sensual scene, without it slightly ruining the moment for me.
Seed works for me no matter what the period. Load, too.
Describing it fits better sometimes though, I think. Like “exploded” or “reached climax”. Then again, when you’re reading and in the moment, I guess anything goes!
Thanks so much for weighing in, Amanda! I agree with you — “cum” in a tender, romantic scene feels out of place to me. But although it’s not my favourite, it’s much better in a really porny scene.
I definitely lean towards describing the action and not calling the semen anything.
I don’t like cum. I only like come. Cum makes me think of 12 yo boys writing on bathroom walls.
I also like jizz, seed, and spunk in the right context and with the right character.
Jism somehow sounds like something that should only be said in jest.
Oh, and like load. Yep, load’s good.
Spooge and cream both sound like something that should only be said when it’s two dudes talking about it, and not something that’s actually happening in the story.
I am opinionated!!!!
I enjoy your opinions, Rhi!
Cum makes me think of 12 yo boys writing on bathroom walls.
Ditto. I wish that wasn’t what sprang to mind, but there’s a sort of juvenile vulgarness to it that I personally dislike. But of course mileage varies greatly, which is why it’s so interesting to hear what others think. Thanks for commenting!
I basically agree with your whole comment. Although for this part:
I also like jizz, seed, and spunk in the right context and with the right character.
I have pretty definite opinions on what “the right context” and “the right character” would be. Like for “seed”, it works for me just fine in something historical, but I’ve never seen it used in a contemporary story where it didn’t sound silly or pretentious to me.
Also, for some reason I’m not sure I really understand, “jizz” and “spunk” both indicate to me that it was the result casual sex. Like, say it was a QAF fic, and Brian might have “jizz” or “spunk” on his body after having sex with some trick he picked up at the baths or something, but if he’d just had sex with Justin, then he’d have “come” on him.
I very much enjoy your definite opinions, peggin. Thank you!
Oh man, I have SUCH ISSUES with “cum”. It just looks so…vulgar and ugly. “Come” is so much more seemly, and thus hotter to me.
If we’re talking lulz here, i prefer comparing semen to food items. Like “penis milk” or “man chowder”.
Man chowder! Hadn’t heard that one, Jaymee. Hee.
Yeah, I don’t really like “cum,” but “come” is really a verb and not a noun. Much to my dismay!
Hi Keira. This is TOO cool!!!!!!!! I want to say that I have all your books and I love them. They are SO amazing!!!! I had a quick question: I’m currently in the process of writing my own gay comedic romance. I would love for it to be published and read world-wide. Could you give me some advice and possibly point me in the right direction? I would truly appreciate it.
Thanks so much, Stevie!
That’s great that you’re writing a book. My first advice would be to research the different publishers. Assuming you’re going small press, there’s Loose Id, Torquere and Dreamspinner, as well as others. Take a look at their sites and the kinds of books they offer. And obviously read their submission guidelines.
This post by Lorna Hinson of Torquere has some great insight from the perspective of a publisher.
Hope this helps!
Thank you very much for this info Keira. I really appreciate this. It means a lot. I will look into those options. Have a good day
OH…and as for the “semen” discussion. When I right semen, I use come and came. I just think it can be used in romantic and not-so-romantic contexts. I don’t really ever use any other form of the word. LOL!!!!
I meant write, not right. UGH!!!!!
No worries, I knew what you meant!
as a reader…and occasional writer i just prefer good ol’ cum.
however i do have an affinity for “jizz” thanks to my longstanding obsession with the awesomeness that was Oz.
Ha! Oh, Oz. Good times.
Thanks for commenting, ‘dalia!
Here’s the “cum” and “come” distinction for me. “Cum” has more of a visual image for me rather than “come” because I think of the way that it’s used in ordinary, every day sentences. If I’m reading something porn related or something a little kinkier then “cum” has always been my preference. It’s what I’ve always read when I first started reading erotica and then the transition to fanfic when I started reading it as “come.” That said, I’m good with whatever the author wants to use and I’ll allow my imagination to go there!
I wouldn’t have said that time period matters but your example was a v. v. good one. I think that seed would look extremely out of place with something contemporary but very fitting for a particular time period.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Amelia!
What a great new blog! And a fantastic opening discussion.
I’ve been reading a lot of books lately that use more tactile modifiers for “semen.” Such as, “…he felt the splash of his warmth between them…” Also words like “slick,” “sticky” (kinda ick on that one–ha!), “heat,” etc. Which all work fine for me. “Release” is another common one these days, it seems.
“Spooge???” *shudder* I think I like that one the least. Very Bill and Ted. Which is still a funny movie, btw.
Thank you very much, B! I really appreciate it. Semen definitely gets people talking.
Yes, I know I tend to go for the tactile modifiers myself. “Release” is a good one, IMO.
p.s. San Dimas high school football RULES! (Yes, I can quote Bill and Ted! Such a fun movie.)
And where is the facebook like button ?
Good question! Thanks for the suggestion, Brooks. Will add one.
I have nothing to offer with a straight face, other than to say “cum” always makes me want to offer “… feel the noiz, girlz rock your boyz,” and that is the way of madness.
“Cold, lifeless gobs”
“Man magma”
“Silly string”
“Eezy-Cheez”
“Sausage gravy”
Told you I had nothing to offer….
It always makes me think of that song, too! Hee.
“Cold, lifeless gobs” is high on my list, of course. Does it get sexier than that?
Thanks for commenting, Edith!
Surprisingly, no one has ever asked me this question before. Weird huh.
I think it depends on the context. If it’s a period piece I image the word “seed” would be used as it would fit the time period. I don’t really like it in a modern setting, seems outdated.
I prefer cum and don’t care how you spell it. I’m flexible that way. If the scene is more hardcore; load, jizz, jism, and cream work for me. Spunk and spooge just make me giggle, probably not the reaction your going for.
Going to explore your web page now.
Glad I could be the first to ask you about semen, Lucy.
Thanks for your comments! And hope you enjoy the website.
“Cum” annoys me more than most euphemisms, but generally, I gauge it on what the POV character might call the stuff in question. What *I* call it doesn’t ultimately matter (except to me and my close friends when we’re talking about personal matters that are ultimately none of my readers’ business). The question is, what terms do my ejaculating and ejaculate receiving characters use? And why? Even if you’re not in a super-close third, I think your best bet is always to ask yourself what your pov character would use.
One of the biggest things that’ll throw me out of a sex scene isn’t any one term (apart from the totally ridiculous ones), it’s when the term doesn’t make sense with the POV’s character and, more specifically, when I get the feeling that the author’s own squicks and preferences are being substituted for the characters in a manner that is distracting … this is a bad thing.
Is my hero a potty-mouthed, undereducated truck driver? A sheltered, virginal, barely legal co-ed? Perhaps a brusque, brilliant, egotistical. doctor who is – within the confines of this particular short story – trying to get rise out of some spoiled rich boy hospital donor who he thinks needs to be taken down a notch or three, and who he’s trying to shock with clinical bluntness.
Each of these will use different terms (and notice different sensory qualities) for the stuff in question, in both his private thoughts and in his dialog. While I believe it’s a good habit to figure out where your own personal authorial hot buttons/squicks/prefs are as a writer, I think it’s significantly more important to learn how to temporarily let go of them and slip into the mindset of the characters you’re writing. *Particularly* when it comes to writing sex. Ultimately, I don’t want my readers to think or care about my personal sexual prefs and hang ups when they read my work. I want them to be fully immersed in the sexual prefs and hang ups of my characters. Mine only matter in so much as I’m able to name and control any fixation or avoidance my own issues exert (in a distracting way) over my prose.
There’s a strange sort of double vision that it’s helpful to have when it comes to writing a good sex scene. On the one hand, you want to be close enough to the character and their experience to replicate and report it for the audience. It really can be helpful to close your eyes and mentally review a five-senses, in-the-skin version of the sex scene (rather than some outside, porno cameraman’s POV). After all, your audience is here to ride along with John Smith’s intense backseat BJ with George Jones.
If you do your job, they should feel like they’ve shared a sexual experience with John and George. *Not* with Jane Q Author. There’s a certain amount of extrapolation of one’s sexual experience and imagination. *But*. I think that ultimately, you’ll be more successful if you can deliberately turn off your own personal turn ons/offs (as much as you can, it’s fine if you just can’t abide water sports because they turn your stomach. Just don’t write about them).
And, counterintuitively, I’ve found that some of the erotic stories that I’ve written about kinks and topics there weren’t my personal cup of tea have been some of the most well received. I think it has something to do with the effort one has to put into describing *why* a thing works (when it’s not your thing) rather than just naming a thing that works. If, for example, fuzzy sweaters just *work* for you, then all you have to do is have a fuzzy sweater in your story, and it’s intrinsically a *hot* story. And you might not feel the need to work to show why. Because hey. Fuzzy sweaters. End of story.
BUT, if I challenge you (non fuzzy sweater fan) to write a story about them, you’ve got to spend the time thinking about the sensual implications, uses, and description that spells out exactly how a fuzzy sweater might lead to sexy fun times. And chances are, that careful layman’s exploration might snag more readers into a hot fuzzy sweater story than a dedicated fetishist for whom a couple keywords are all that’s needed.
Your own personal turn ons/offs should obviously guide your choice of subject matter, but I think that really good sex writing comes from an ability to not just get in touch with your own turn ons, but to deliberately detach from them. And then slip into the skin of your characters and figure out the truth of their sexuality, independent from your own restrictions. It’s not the easiest thing to do, especially at first. I just keep reminding myself when I’m writing that I’m not Cameron. I’m *character name*. I may triangulate off personal experience, reading, and imagination, but for that period of time that I’m inhabiting my characters, I’m not living by my own desires, fears or moral code, I’m living by someone else’s and trying to be as honest about it as possible, so that my readers can inhabit my characters.
That’s what they’re paying for, after all, an opportunity to vicariously live my characters’ (sex) lives. Not mine.
But back to splooge. Though I’m not one for sidestepping explicit description, I really don’t think that ejaculate needs… fancy names much of the time. Not unless your character is the sort to call it spunk or opalescent droplets of love. The truth is, I tend to focus more words on the production of said stuff, and less on the substance itself. Less “then there was jizz” and more “then, after X had stopped twitching, Y tried to decide where to wipe their hand, gave up, and licked up every slippery drop while X watched from beneath half-lowered lashes.”
Unless you’re specifically working with some sort of come fetish kink or come play, I honestly find wetness/slickness/mess to be fine. I’d much rather hear about the way it feels to run his hand up Y’s come-splattered stomach than to hear exciting new ways to describe the aftermath. I’m of the belief that most people who spend any amount of time playing with body fluids don’t necessarily spend time thinking of how to label it. If you’re in that moment (and most sex scenes are a representation of being in that moment) you’re way more focused on the process, the experience, and the goals rather than the … leftover tapioca.
But, then, I suppose it depends a lot on context. Are we talking about the stuff as it … erupts? As it hits its target (whatever that may be?). As it cools and congeals? IDK.
As long as you don’t yank me out of your narrative with your fancy or ridiculous or out of character descriptions it’s all good. Frankly, it’s a bit like the whole ‘The taller man’ or ‘the blonde boy’ stuff as substitution for names or good old fashioned attention to pronouns antecedents. As long as you’re not writing F/F, jizz will be a part of the proceedings. But if you spend the time to come up for four different creative names for the detritus of love, and you haven’t come up with a strong emotional through-line or sensual/physical rollercoaster ride that leaves me breathless along with my heroes or hero & heroine… you’re focusing on the wrong thing.
Not that asking this question is a waste of time at all! I’m a firm believer that certain terms (cum for guys and … *shudder* ‘cream’ for girls (because if it looks like cream you should probably get thee to some monistat) )… should be removed from the erotic vernacular. But I also get that these terms are *very* personal, and some people just can’t use ‘cunt’, regardless of whether their characters would, and some people just prefer cum to come. For some reason that I can’t fathom.
Anyway, I hope I don’t go over comment limit here!
You say:
“if I challenge you (non fuzzy sweater fan) to write a story about them, you’ve got to spend the time thinking about the sensual implications, uses, and description that spells out exactly how a fuzzy sweater might lead to sexy fun times. ”
Everything you say before and after this is also true for me. There are so many things that I’ve written that I, personally, never want to do, but after exploring the *why* of the activities for those who do enjoy them, I’ve found that I’ve written highly charged scenes that leave a lot of people saying, “I don’t normally like this kind of thing, but….” Or, “Wow, I’ve never understood the appeal of this until now.” I think what you say here is totally accurate — writing something outside of one’s personal wants/kinks can lead to so much more showing than telling sometimes. Excellent observation.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! We’re in complete agreement.
Perhaps a brusque, brilliant, egotistical. doctor who is – within the confines of this particular short story – trying to get rise out of some spoiled rich boy hospital donor who he thinks needs to be taken down a notch or three, and who he’s trying to shock with clinical bluntness.
Why, I can imagine just such a scenario!
And yes, the characters should dictate the language. I don’t like the word “cum,” but if my character would use it, then he will.
Mine only matter in so much as I’m able to name and control any fixation or avoidance my own issues exert (in a distracting way) over my prose.
Again, I totally agree. The character’s wants, needs and preferences are key — not the author’s.
I honestly find wetness/slickness/mess to be fine. I’d much rather hear about the way it feels to run his hand up Y’s come-splattered stomach than to hear exciting new ways to describe the aftermath.
Indeed! And I assure you that I’m not sitting around trying to think of new names for semen. Lord, there are few things in fiction that I hate more than unnecessary epithets!
I try to avoid calling it anything specific unless the scene and/or characters really call for it. But I thought it would be interesting to get people’s thoughts on the matter. And sure enough, it was. Thanks again!
Sorry to blather at so much length on the subject.
The you in that diatribe was definitely a general you, not *you* you, since I know you have a handle on all this.
And it *is* fascinating to see everyone’s take on the subject. (Also, I will admit, I have a not so secret fondness for old-fashioned terms for the stuff in question, like ‘seed’ or for the action, like ‘spend’.)
No, no, blather away! I love to hear it.
And I do tend to like the more old-fashioned terms myself. But it just depends, as we’ve obviously discussed. Thanks again!
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Thank you so much! Glad you like the style, and that I could be of assistance regarding semen euphemisms.